Beichuan Diary 北川之戀

I and Thou: in remembrance of the long deceased

2010-09-22T23:30:00.002-04:00

In preparation of a chapter I've been working on, I found this old school paper, written all the way back in fall 2003 for a course on "self-awareness." It's Chinese moon festival. Who would have guessed what a beautiful moon we are getting in New York. Looking back, despite everything, life is full of God's grace.

The Depths

He rises from the depths. I sense his
coming, sometimes not wanting him,
sometimes welcoming him as a beloved
friend. He has a voice different from
mine: As free but with more colors.

I do not know his name but I know his
heart. I know his mind. His words are like
clear water: pure and untransformable. He
knows what I don't and speaks words which
elude my most labored hopes. I can feel his
truth, tangible, and thick yet light as feathered
gold. It is not my truth but it uses my voice.
He sees my eyes, knows their wonder, their
curiosity, even amusement about the mystery
of our friendship. I have never asked his name.
I let him speak. He is my teacher, my friend.

He rises from the depths, always with a
smile, a laugh, a laugh I love to hear.
He looks at life with unrestrained joy,
knowing no sadness. He has never seen
pain of any kind. He is the sunshine, the
light, the brightness that will never dim.

He rises from the depths, always by
surprise. He cries his own tears, never
seeking solace. He bears life's hurts,
its despair. He feels the pain of humanity,
being its child. He feels with the wounded
and the confused. He walks beside the lost,
being himself lost. He is unafraid of constant
birth and change.

He rises from the depths. He has no home.
He lives at the edge of civilization, where the
fluid is molded into the form, where the water
becomes the ice. He sees the idea become
the doctrine, but keeps silent, knowing the
destiny of confused mind. His life is simple:
a crust of bread, a favored dream, a gadget

to play with. With empty pockets and no
gold chains for yoke, he travels lightly--a
wanderer blown by the winds of change,
of time …[1]

I fell in love with this little poem instantly upon my first encounter, in a relatively uneventful evening of late September. Due to my inner turmoil at that time, I couldn’t immediately identify what struck me most: the rhythm, the distance, or the infinite male imagery. It seemed a mixture of pain and lightness that lulled me into a world of strange, intoxicating solitude. The recurrence of beginning sentence, he rises from the depths, creates a rich substance of smoothness and profundity. Depths, used as a plural, resounding another worddeath, denies any suggestion of threat or gloominess, transforming into a sweet, welcoming dwelling where meanings continually unfolds.

Who is he, the lofty, enigmatic figure? Several familiar faces emerged simultaneously to my mind. The first one was my father who was, in Bowlby’s term, my ‘secure base’ and meant almost everything in my childhood. Who was he, then? I used to think he was God, and it turned out he wasn't. Instead, he died untimely at the peak of his life. Nobody really understood how he had felt for the following series of agonies: loss of his father at seven; loss of his mother upon his commencement, after several years of her bedridden illness; his college sweetheart, whom he had prepared to marry for years; his first baby child; and finally, his freedom and his life. In retrospect, my father was remembered as a man of extraordinary sense of humor, of perspective, of principle and self-denial. Like all Chinese fathers (ominous words!), my father paid a terrible price for that respected title. By experiencing with him, especially his perpetual absence from my life, I came to understand in an intimate way how our culture has been working.

The next image that popped up automatically was my paternal grandfather. One of the anecdotes I often heard about him was how he was traveling around China single-handedly during the Japanese invasion and the liberation wars. An unusually tall and strong figure, he had never been intimidated by anything in his life. So furious about the ‘useless’ pediatricians whom he believed failed to save his two baby sons at an age ‘too young to believe’, he turned himself eventually into a doctor best ever in China’s modern medical history. Upon his mythical death, he had left volumes and volumes of original writings on eclectic acupuncture and medicine.

I could never penetrate my obsession about these two men. Death in its typical way has made it entirely impossible for me to resolve the mystery of them. And I’m doomed to pursue such an impossible cause. Many times I would sit alone daydream a meeting with my father, or my grandfather, or a meeting between the two. My efforts were not completely futile. I have partially come to the root of my very being, my personality, propensities, even some of my most undetectable neurotic, antisocial tendencies. The father and son are now securely anchored in my blood. And I carry them inside me wherever I go, knowing that I shall always be proud and secure, that there is something that has made me uniquely different from all the rest of the humanity.

A striking similarity I had recognized about my heroes is that they are highly curious human beings. Curiosity, in my eyes, is similar to spontaneity. It is prized as a virtue of some highest level. Psychoanalytically it implies that the person has achieved a considerable amount of integration in his personality. He has come to terms with his inner conflicts. To be able to do that, it is assumed, he has to be sufficiently loved and taken cared of, at least in certain critical time of his development, that he can free himself from being constantly on guard to protect himself. He reaches his hand to the outer world. He is free-spirited, supple-minded, unbiased, and undefensive. And his lack of defensiveness in turn allows him less subjection to deception and more freedom, that he is able to experience life in his deep and original way. To use Maslow’s term, he is a human who self-actualizes.

I have noticed with great interest this rare characteristic manifest itself in some adults, my professors, pastors, friends. I have to admit that it’s not this quality that I treasure most. It’s the quality of a relationship it ultimately opens up to, signifies, the relationship I call absolute, or perfect, not one dependent on the other but I and Thou, two infinite interdependent entities (Buber). My relationship with my father, grandfather, with other fellow humans, with the poem, the world, echoes what I have been trying to grasp, the i-thou relationship.

I found the idea i-thou extremely inspiring. It originally came from Martin Buber, a remarkable Jewish philosopher. In Buber’s seminal work, there are two ‘primary words’ in our vocabulary: i-it and i-thou, which are also two basic, opposing ways of dealing with the world.

The experience of i-it is the mode of which we are all familiar. It is a utilitarian, pragmatic way of engaging the world. ‘It’ is an object, a point in time and space, e.g. a tree, a person, or a feeling. ‘It’ is moving, changing, dynamic, transient, something that can be observed, studied, manipulated, or even destroyed. The interacting process is defined as ‘experience’. The observer ‘i’ is basically unmoved, unsympathetic and separated from the observed it.

The encounter of i-thou is the opposite. It's the real meeting of ‘the way i am’ and ‘the way thou are’, in which we actively engage thou with our whole being. We ‘look at’ thou (not ‘observe’ thou), immerse in it, giving our full attention, to figure thou out, no preconditions, no expectations. Thou is not singled out as merely a point in universe but the universe itself and there is nothing else to distract us.

“The unified i and the boundless thou”, says Buber, is the full mutuality between two equal partners. It’s two meeting without manipulating or making use of the other, treating the other as an object, an it.

I and Thou requires distance. An appropriate level of distance is crucial because only with distance one realizes oneself as the unique, autonomous being as well as the other. The distance cannot be too far (we lose sight of the self), or too close (an infusion, in which we over-involve the self). It has to be a subject-to-subject, ‘inter-subjective’ relationship.

It also demands ‘concentration of the soul’. Each enters the relationship focusing on the other, to be fully present, available, to ‘be there’ for the other.

The universal i-thou relationship includes and encompasses all other relationships and defines how we relate to each other, to really ‘meet’ each other. It is against such a relationship all the rest of the relationships in the world have to be examined, interpreted or reinterpreted, and reconciled.

The difference of the two modes of relationship is best illustrated in a case of romantic love. When we 'fall in love', we actually mean that we are willing to open and risk our self and fall 'into' a love relationship with our whole being, to sacrifice our self, to win our ‘other half’. It's an i-thou moment, a genuine, miraculous encounter between two lovers, in which one thoroughly realizes that one differs from the other person not just in degree but in kind, it’s 'one of a kind', an absolute unique existence. This new flash of awareness penetrates our mind, impinges upon us, lightening and transforming our life in a permanent way. And the consequence cannot be erased or cancelled by merely 'falling out of love', when i-thou deteriorates to i-it, the perfect, inseparable thou dissolves into a regular, deplorable it.

Contrary to the common belief, Buber warns us “love is not a feeling”, if we trace the supreme, ontological end of the word. Love involves strong feelings but it is not, and should not to be reduced to a feeling. A feeling is something one has, an object. A feeling takes place inside the isolated self. But one 'dwells in love', surrounded by it. Love takes placebetween i and thou, in the fleeting, exclusive i-thou world. I and Thou can only be connected through love.

This kind of love which I would only attribute to God is something too vast, and too intimate to put into word. It may not even be close to say that it is something like love of a man to a woman (already such a dangerous analogy). Nevertheless, it is the most sacrificial, enduring force. It lies in the deepest of our dreams, sought, consciously or unconsciously, by all of us, but first and foremost, by God Himself. It is also the very thing that is often being ignored, misinterpreted, criticized, just like many other great things, great art and great literature of history.

The curious child is a child in love. He travels through his ordeals, going across the infinitei’s and thou’s feeling overjoyed, but unsatisfied. Love comes back and forth along its parallel lines like a bird. ‘There’s something missing.’ And he prepares himself for that great moment when he will unravel the mystery. Finally he comes to the door, fact to face with the eternal Thou. There he is overcome.

God is the eternal Thou, the archetypal, everlasting, fulfilling presence of love. And He loves us all.

REFERENCES

[1]. The Poetry Shack, http://members.aol.com/VSpen67816/index2.html

Lewis, C.S. [2001] The Problem of Pain, HarperCollins

Buber, M. [1970] I And Thou, Free Press

Beichuan Newsletter for you

2010-09-11T22:06:00.003-04:00

To Me, September has been a month of cruelty as well as season of love. I shall forever remember how we, the returning volunteers of Beichuan, shuddered at the news of 9/24 mudslide that buried half of the village, killing more than 20 children and adults who we once had the privilege to serve – but NOT ANY MORE. Since summer 2008, our ministry has been actively involved in Beichuan, planting the seeds and nurturing the locals, baptizing high schoolers as well as the elderly villagers. Because of you, our vision and our directions have always been clear. Your prayers and your concerns have been the single source of strength that sustains the program, and the frontline volunteers whose faces are perhaps still unfamiliar to you. But as you receive this newsletter, you are already an important part of our ministry. God bless us all.

北川的内省

2010-06-16T21:43:00.000-04:00

说起来惭愧，已经又是一年，我的北川日记，因着大大小小的借口，竟没有继续下去。中文输入不经意的延迟，九二四时隐时现的伤痛，现世的捆绑挣扎，教會的問題，都成为我为自己渐渐疏懒开脱的理由。从加拿大回来，考试，开会等非做不可的事告一段落，工作也不必急着展开。除了九月的书稿，又是甚麼在阻攔我靜下心來？必是端午節夏日的陽光落在窗上，仿佛在說，夏天到了，正是可有所作為的時候，你為甚麼不回北川？

Holiday Greetings

2009-12-24T13:10:00.017-05:00

Peace to Earth! Merry Christmas to you all! For various reasons including,

in particular, my residual frustration with net nanny, I haven't been updating much

here. (What's the point if I can't even see my own blogs, suppose I were still in China?)

Today, I woke up with a brand new sense of inspiration and conviction which tells me

that I shall NOT give up here. A quiet revolt is better than no revolt at all. Forgiveness

and blessings are ten times powerful (and helpful thereby) than hatred or resentfulness.

Haven't I harbored all those unhealthy, negative feelings all along? As Dr. S often

recommends, all I need to do is to make an "I" Statement - that simple!

So here I am, in glowing blissfulness, wishing you and your loved ones a joyful, healthful,

and most fruitful New Year! God is All Positivity - so are we!

上帝爱北川

2009-11-01T23:50:00.005-05:00

From Manhattan, Flushing, Ithaca, to many parts of China, we get together in Beichuan, a profoundly traumatized, mountainous region in the quake zone, for God is not giving up on Beichuan. He loves Beichuan!

Beichuan in retrospect

2009-10-01T12:34:00.001-04:00

This album which I made last year is dedicated to our children from Beichuan tent school, located in a village in Beichuan, China. Today, the mountain part of the village has been permanently buried by landslides. All the children in the video survived except four of them... one teenage girl is orphaned now. The music in the background was our Official School Song then, Song Bie, meaning "Farewell."

历五十年争辩，未走出最终的死地: 北川县城五十年迁址考 (轉）

2009-09-07T18:23:00.001-04:00

半个世纪以来，北川曾先后历经三次搬迁动议，持续数十年的争吵与纠葛，却定址于最终灭顶之地。由于县领导更迭，搬迁与否历经反复。直到现在，北川究竟该重建于何地，仍然没有结论。

震后四月，北川仍然封城。

站在城外的“三道拐”上俯瞰，北川县城尽收眼底。曾经秀美的老城区，约有三分之一已是灰绿色的泥石堆。泥石之下，是武装部、县医院、法院、民政局、幼儿园、邮政局、文教局、图书馆……这里曾是县城最为繁华之处。

被称为“曲山”的县城所在地夹在东西两侧的大山之间，是进出北川的门户。山内各乡镇一般称为关内，山外则称为关外。以氵前江河为界，县城分为新老城区。老城区临沈家包、王家岩；新城区临景家山。

北川人对地震并不陌生。据史料记载，公元1169年至1987年八百余年间，县境及邻近发生3-6级地震24次。而1988年至1997年十年间，发生2.0-4.1级地震54次。

5·12地震发生开始的瞬间，多数北川人并未当回事，他们根据经验，以为“摇几下”就完事了。

没有人料到，这是一次烈度达11度的地震，由其引发的山体滑坡和岩石崩塌，使北川县城成为一座死城。几十年来县城将被“包饺子”的传言，终于在5月12日下午两点二十八分成为现实。

1952年9月，因图“交通方便”，北川县城迁至山高坡陡的曲山。半个世纪以来，因担心山体滑坡引发“包饺子”悲剧，当地政府曾数度酝酿搬迁。然而种种特有背景之下，最终未能成行。大地震后，北川县城异地重建已成定局，然而选址何处至今仍未有定论。

1952：为什么在曲山

从老县城治城迁到如今的曲山，当时迁城的一个直接原因，其实是为了方便到专区开会。“那时候的会多。”
5·12地震中，老县城治城虽然有房屋倒塌，但由于地形开阔，仅死亡几十人。

遭受灭顶之灾的曲山镇，成为北川县城其实充满偶然。据北川县志记载，自唐太宗贞观八年（634）始，北川县城所在地一直是治城（后更名为禹里），长达1300余年。一直到1952年，北川县城才迁往曲山。此前，曲山从未有设县级治所的记载。

当年迁城的原因颇有争议。流行的说法是：解放之初，由于匪患，原县城治城交通不便，为方便外部支援，遂将县城迁至曲山。

不过，南方周末记者多方考证，发现这一说法稍显牵强。

据北川县志，解放后县内匪患均发生于1950年，此后再无记载。而北川迁城却是1952年9月。北川何以在匪患肃清后迁城？这成为“匪患说”的一大硬伤。

决定北川县城迁址的，可能另有原因。

解放初，北川隶属川北行署剑阁专区，为全区最为边远的一个县。迁城以前，由于车马不通，北川干部到专区开会，皆需步行二十余公里从曲山出关。

1950年1月，南下干部刘仲成率8人组成工作组，接管北川县城。刘先任县长，后于1952年9月任县委书记。多位北川老干部称，1952年的北川迁城，刘起到决定性作用。

年过八旬的北川县原政协主席佘良1952年学校毕业后，分到北川县政府建设科工作。他对南方周末记者回忆说，当年的迁城非常突然，他7月从治城外出开会，走时尚不知迁城一事，待走到曲山，被告知县城要搬至曲山，遂被留下参与筹备工作。

佘良说，那时的曲山仅有一百余户人家，后来的北川县城老城区所在地，那时还是一片乱坟堆。

1954年，北川解放后第二任县委书记田承绩接任刘仲成主政北川。田承绩对南方周末记者说，他后来曾与刘谈到迁城问题，对方承认主是为了交通方便。

不过，在田承绩看来，所谓的“交通方便”，主要是对县级干部而言。当时迁城的一个直接原因，其实是为了方便到专区开会。“那时候的会多。”

由于曲山山高坡陡，地势险峻，包括县长母广轼在内的几位当地干部对迁城曾有不同意见，但并未起到作用。“当时的情况是南下干部说了算。”田承绩说。

田承绩今年已84岁高龄，是经历当年迁城事宜为数不多的健在知情者之一。对于当年的县城迁址，他直言是“错误”和“教训”。

1959：夭折的回迁

1958年地震之后，北川决心将县城搬回治城。并于次年开始动工修建县委、县人委办公楼。然而，力主回迁的县委书记随后调离，北川回迁随之夭折。

第二任县委书记田承绩到北川赴任之后，即对县城地形感觉“反常”。县城两侧高山险峻，坡度均在70度以上，人处山脚之下，深感山势逼人。城郊茅坝一带，有一片乱石，有的如房间大小，当地人命名为“乱石窖”。据记载是康熙年间景家山上岩石垮塌形成。多位北川受访者认为，此形成亦与地震有关。只是当年此处人烟稀少，史上未曾记载。

田承绩在北川工作十年间，常感县城迟早要出大事。而据他回忆，县城将被“包饺子”的说法，在那时即已有所闻。

除了地势险峻，田亦发现，曲山处在全县偏南位置。县境边远村民到县城办事，需翻山四五百华里，苦不堪言。此外，迁城之后，虽然通往关外便利，但关内交通反而不便，边远乡镇的干部到县城开会更为困难，为此颇有怨言。事实上，田赴任很长时间以后，县里开会仍选在治城。

以上种种，使田承绩一到北川，便有意将县城回迁。县上多数干部也对此支持。不过田知道，迁城非儿戏，1952年刚刚搬迁，再要求回迁显然并不现实。于是打算分步走，先在旧城修建办公用房，待造成既定事实之后，再报上级批准。

1958年2月8日，北川发生6.2级地震，县委楼房两头震垮。县城石岩亦有崩塌。此变故发生之后，更加大田承绩回迁县城决心。据北川县志记载，1959年，北川县成立6人组成的“城建委”，调集建筑施工人员200人，于11月在老县城治城动工修建县委、县人委办公楼一幢，修建中学教学用房三幢，1961年完工。共花费1万元，均为北川自筹。

在田承绩看来，如果县城迁回治城，那么5·12地震将不会给北川造成多大伤亡，更不会出现“包饺子”惨景。事实上，5·12地震中，老县城治城虽然有房屋倒塌，但由于地形开阔，仅死亡几十人。

然而，这次已经实施的县城回迁行动最终流产。“大跃进”和随着而来的三年自然灾害，使北川无心亦无力回迁县城。1964年田承绩调走，此事很长一段时间便不再提。

已经建起的县委办公楼后来成为治城乡政府所在地，先后经地震、水淹，至今尚存。至于建好的教学用房，原本为北川中学所用，因回迁流产，被逐年拆除。

1987：选址中的“私心”
北川此次酝酿迁城，被认为体现出“高度民主”。县委为此专门召开常委扩大会议。各乡镇和部门均有人参加。结果绝多大数意见赞成搬迁。但是，新县城选址何处却引发干部派争。

1958年之后到汶川大地震之前，北川再未发生6级以上地震。不过，危险并未离开北川县城。据北川县志记载，1970年代，县城西面的王家岩山体上发现裂缝。据目击者描述，裂缝长达数百米，最宽处一米有余。有关部门还曾拨款治理。而景家山亦发现有松动岩石。对县城构成威胁。1978年，王家岩崩垮，一块约一立方米的岩石翻滚至城关小学旧宿舍。

和新中国一起历经沧桑的北川，于1980年代又迎来一次县城搬迁契机。其主导者是北川原县委书记马敬洪。和田承绩一样，马敬洪于1984年刚到北川任职时，亦觉县城地形怪异。当时站在险峻山下，深感害怕。而上级领导到北川视察工作时,也往往不愿久留。

北川外派干部的一大特点，是多不带家属前来。这一方面是因为北川条件艰苦，另一原因则是因县城地势凶险，作以防万一计。

促使马敬洪决定搬迁县城的，还有其他原因。那时县城茅坝新区尚未开发，城区面积仅有0.35平方公里。随着经济发展，县城人口已由当年的不足千人发展到万人，曲山已无发展空间。此外，由于县城“环境恶劣”，北川干部人心浮动。1985年，北川中学校长带领教师 6人离校出走，在全省轰动一时。

北川县城搬迁，再次提上议事日程。

原北川地震办主任马明理记忆中，1987年的某一日，县委书记马敬洪忽然造访，两人聊及坊间盛传的北川“包饺子”传言。马明理从地震和地质角度，称此说法并非没有道理，最好的办法就是迁县城。马敬洪遂让他写个报告。

马明理记得，早在上世纪七十年代，中国地震局地震地质考察队就曾到北川考察，证实北川大断层从县城穿过，地震可能发生。且以北川地形之险峻，大地震一旦发生，“包饺子”成为必然。此后，也有多位地震专家跟马明理谈过此观点。

事后不久，马敬洪再次找到马明理，责其“光说不动”。马明理遂连夜起草一报告，从地震灾害角度建议县城搬迁。

据原北川县人大副主任席元厚回忆，当年计划迁县城的一个背景是：1987年9月，四川巫溪县发生岩崩，近百人死亡。四川省追究了涉及官员的责任，并专门发文件，要求各地方政府戒除官僚主义，排查安全隐患，避免类似事件再发生。

北川原副县长王光甫参与了此次县城迁址的运作。据他介绍，在县委书记马敬洪力推下，北川开始酝酿迁县城，并向绵阳市打了报告。他对南方周末记者坦言，当时提出搬迁的主要目的还是为了县城发展，留住人才。地震虽被作为理由提出，但即使他本人也没有想到真的会发生。

与1952年那次主要领导“说了算”不同，北川此次酝酿迁城，被认为体现出“高度民主”。县委为此专门召开常委扩大会议。各乡镇和部门均有人参加。结果绝多大数意见赞成搬迁。

但围绕新县城选址问题，北川形成对立两派。其中关内干部主张将县城迁回治城，主要理由是位置适中，方便全县各地百姓进城办事。关外干部则坚持将新址定在关外的擂鼓镇，理由是靠近中心城市绵阳，利于发展。为了反驳治城派的“中心论”，擂鼓派以莫斯科等城市作例，证明一县之城如一国一都，未必非得处在辖区中心。王光甫本人是擂鼓人，亦是擂鼓派的代表人物，由于其在搬迁事宜中地位特殊，治城派有人写信到绵阳市告状，认为其在迁址问题上怀有私心。

据原政协主席佘良介绍，当时还有第三种意见：将北川拆分，南面划归安县，北面划归松潘，东归江油，西归茂县。此方案被认为经济实用，因为北川既不存在，县城也不需再设，自然不用搬迁。结果乡级干部中，被划归安县、江油等发达县市的乡镇对此支持，划归茂县、松潘等相对落后者则坚决反对。县级干部由于担心拆分后“靠边”，则大都反对，老干部因为在县城已经买房也反对，结果此派未形成气候。

最后，擂鼓派占了上风，擂鼓作为新县址所在地被写在了报告中。

在北川原地震办主任马明理看来，北川断裂带其实也经过擂鼓，这里也不是安全之地。大地震中，擂鼓同样是受灾极严重之地，但所幸未“包饺子”。

5·12地震之后，北川坊间曾有传言，称当年一批老干部因反对县城搬迁，集体联合告状，最终导致迁址流产。

但南方周末多方求证，发现“老干部反对说”不能成立。受访者均认为，当时的争论议题主要是新县城选址何处，反对迁城者其实少之又少。“（对于迁县城）北川的干部已经尽力了。”王光甫对南方周末记者说。

当年参与争论的北川干部现均认为，当年无论采取哪种方案搬迁，北川均不致遭受今天这般惨重损失。

1988：“北川不会发生毁灭性灾害”

又一任力主搬迁的县委书记调离，历届继任者将工作重心放在了发展经济和争取羌族自治县上。
《北川县灾害地质考察报告》认为“……因地震发生大规模的山体滑移的可能性不存在”、“……不会发生因山体失稳而毁灭北川县城的灾害”，给北川县城是否迁移下了定论。

因选址问题引发的这场争论，最后以一种出人意料的方式结束：县城迁址流产。

在马敬洪看来，迁城搁浅的原因或许有两个，一是资金问题，当时搬迁的初步预算是1.2亿，这个数目“有点高”；二是选址问题。

提及往事，马显得颇有顾虑，称“太复杂”而不愿多言。

当年参与此事的北川当地干部对搬迁流产的普遍解释是：北川迁城的报告上交之后，省政府对搬迁经费的意见是省里出一半，绵阳市里出一半。绵阳市里由于拿不出钱，搬迁遂告失败。报告也最终未能交至国务院。

不过，南方周末记者调查发现，此事还有一段插曲。

北川要求迁县城的报告上交绵阳市后，1988年4月，绵阳市地质学会专家对北川县城曲山地区山地灾害进行了为期五天的科学考察。马明理作为北川代表参加了这次考察。他的任务是为专家带路。马还记得，当时曾对专家组负责人半开玩笑地说，北川人的命运就掌握在你们手中了。

考察之后，与北川县有关领导进行了座谈，原人大副主任席元厚、原副县长王光甫均曾参加，二人均称，当时专家的意见非常一致，认为曲山地质灾害严重，应该尽早搬迁。

不过，专家组就此次考察编写的《北川县灾害地质考察报告》，结论却与之相反，南方周末记者从这份报告原件中上看到，专家组尽管承认“北川县城关历史上曾发生多起重大山地灾害”，“近年来危石崩塌、泥石流等灾害时有发生”，但考察结论却认为“……因地震发生大规模的山体滑移的可能性不存在”、“……县城周围山体不存破坏山体整体稳定性的水文地质……不会发生因山体失稳而毁灭北川县城的灾害”。

为考察队带路的马明理事后看到了这份报告，阅后颇感心安，以为民间传言实不足信。而大地震后回顾此事，马明理大叹北川“吃了专家的亏”。

当时担任北川重要领导职务的马敬洪、王光甫、佘良等均对南方周末记者声称，他们并没有看到过这份报告。

10年之后出版的《北川年鉴》对地质学会到北川考察一事作出如下记载：……报告从曲山东西两侧山体的构造、现状、水文、工程等方面进行了科学分析，得出了“局部性灾害存在，毁灭性灾害不可能发生，局部灾害可以预防和治理”的科学结论，给北川县城是否迁移下了定论。

1988年8月，马敬洪调离北川，北川此后一直到地震之前，迁城一事再无人过问。历届继任者将工作重心放在了发展经济和争取羌族自治县上。

1995：最后的机会

5·12地震中，茅坝新区虽然亦损失惨重，但由于景家山岩崩面积较小，只掩埋茅坝中学一个单位，加上街道较宽，便于逃生，人员伤亡比老城区要轻。不过，也正是由于新区的开发，意味着北川已无另迁新址的可能。

《北川县灾害地质考察报告》中，除了认为北川县城“不会发生因山体失稳而毁灭北川县城的灾后”外，还认为茅坝新区可作为城市发展的新区。

1991年，由于城区用地紧张，在时任县长梁安礼的力推下，北川县政府决定开发茅坝新区。坊间流传，当时新区一片荒凉，各单位都不愿搬过去，县长梁安礼曾半开玩笑地说，你们不搬，我们政府先搬，别等哪天包了饺子你们后悔。1995年，北川县政府迁至新区。新区面积与老区相当，亦为0.35平方公里。

早在1980年代，在时任教育局长的李德怀任期内，包括茅坝中学（北川中学新校区）等在内的三所学校即作为先行军在新区修建。茅坝中学即建在景家山“乱石窖”上。5·12地震时，崩塌的巨石将学校整体掩埋。

李德怀如今承认，从安全角度，茅坝中学的选址确有问题，但因为是前人选定，加上县城地皮紧缺，他未另选他地。如今，他后悔没有拒绝盖这所遭受灭顶之灾的学校。

不过，在5·12地震中，茅坝新区虽然亦损失惨重，但由于景家山岩崩面积较小，只掩埋茅坝中学一个单位，加上街道较宽，便于逃生，人员伤亡远比老城区要轻。不过，某种意义上，新区的开发，也意味着北川已无另迁新址的可能。

近十几年来，因为已经面临无地可用的窘境，北川开始往山上“发展”。老城区如民政局、幼儿园等单位，都盖在了山脚下。多位县城居民证实,就在地震发生之前，垮塌处的沈家包山脚下正在修建“安居工程”，山体因此被挖进了十余米。地震时，施工人员和未盖起的建筑一起被泥石掩埋，如今已了无痕迹。

1992年，北川地震办邀请四川省地震局专家到北川考察，确认北川大断层确实从县城经过。并据此写出《北川县城地震危险性分析》。据马明理回忆，当时专家考察后认为，北川原县委大楼和县人民医院、邮电局等诸多重要单位，就处在这条危险的断层上。在5·12地震中，北川大断层所经过的广电局、县委、医院等重要单位，在强大的地震波冲击下，全部垮塌。北川由此彻底失去了自救能力。学界关于断层处不能建房的论点，得到一次极其残酷的印证。

任地震办主任期间，马明理曾按防震减灾要求，让各单位把大楼盖到四层以下、避开断层带、按地震烈度区划图要求设防等，为此没少跟城建局长吵架，成为历任地震办主任中最不受欢迎的一个。他关于防震的一些言论，被视为影响县城发展的“杂音”。然而，“楼该怎么盖还是怎么盖”。

2000年以后，北川为发展经济，正准备实施“曲山-擂鼓一体化”方案，计划将县内工业和有关机构迁至擂鼓，并修筑了一条大道。若实施，县城密集人口将渐被分散。不过，地震没有给北川更多时间。

2008：新址未确定

“行政区划调整非儿戏，就像一把椅子坏了，你不能把另一把拆掉来修复它。”

5·12大地震发生已4月有余，灾后重建正如火如荼展开。然而，需异地重建的北川新县城，选址何处至今仍未有定论。北川县城陨没之后，南邻安县的安昌镇，成为北川的临时县城。安昌原是安县的老县城，2002年，经绵阳市上报，国务院批准，安县成功将县城迁至靠近绵阳市区的花荄镇。这次搬迁至今仍然充满争议，有对迁城不满的安县老干部戏言：安县这次迁城的最大成果，就是为北川空出一个县城。

不过安昌成为北川县城，目前仅仅是安昌人的一个愿望。震后，围绕北川新县城选址，曾出现多个方案，一说为北川南部的擂鼓镇，一说为安县邻近北川的永安镇，一说为安昌镇，呼声较高的一种说法，则是安昌东南黄土乡的板凳桥村。

南方周末记者获悉，以上方案均系备选，北川县城选址至今仍无定论。而选址问题的棘手与复杂，也远超出外界估计。

地震之后，由于山河改观，北川已经难以找到一块适合建县城的平地。在各个备选方案中，只有擂鼓方案系在北川境内，其它均在安县。由于擂鼓镇被认为水源不足，且和曲山一样处在地震断裂带上，北川许多干部对此方案强烈反对。北川县委组织部部长王理效更是对南方周末直言：新县城若选擂鼓，得分将为零。

然而若将北川县城选在安县，重新调整安县与北川的行政区划则成为必然。这意味着安县将继1952年把擂鼓镇划归北川之后，再度“割地”予北川。

绵阳市不少老干部对北川在安县境内建县城提出质疑。“行政区划调整非儿戏，就像一把椅子坏了，你不能把另一把拆掉来修复它。”曾在北川工作过的一位绵阳市退休官员说。

5·12地震之后，由于形成了唐家山堰塞湖，原道路被阻断，从安昌到禹里乡，原本几十公里的路，现在需绕行六百余公里。北川关内边远百姓到临时县城办事，耗时之久，成本之高，相当于从成都乘火车去一趟北京。正因为如此，坊间亦传有“北川老百姓将被县政府抛弃”的说法。

此外，将北川县拆分曾被视为解决迁址难题的办法之一。然而，考虑到北川为全国惟一的羌族自治县的特殊地位，加上“重建一个新北川”的指导方针，这一想法目前已被认为断无可能。

最终方案仍无头绪，唯一可以肯定的是，即便北川作为一座城市已经死去，关于它究竟应该在哪的争吵和纠葛，持续了已经五十年，而至今仍未停歇。

老书记马敬洪是四川射洪县人，在北川并无亲属。在得知北川县城真的被“包饺子”之后，已经离开北川二十年的马敬洪号啕大哭。这位原本最有可能使北川迁城成功的老人说，他这一生总共哭过三次，前两次均为亲人离世，这次却是为他工作仅四年的北川。

（注：9月24日，北川突降暴雨，县城遗址被泥石流冲毁，继5·12大地震后再度改观。）
（感谢北川县政协研究室主任彭盛才的帮助）

source: http://www.infzm.com/content/18242/1

How can we prevent tofu like classrooms?!

2009-07-25T19:49:00.002-04:00

做一回標題黨。

Children’s PV Club

2009-07-24T18:47:00.006-04:00

The Beichuan children’s PV club is intended to be a laissez faire, non-directive, community-oriented process using video cameras to facilitate observation, reflection, and interaction among children and adults around them one year post-disaster. The goal is not about the outcome of what children eventually will do with the camera, but the process of how they learn to rely on and support each other, utilizing the camera to carry out goal-directed, meaningful artistic (or journalistic) work. Thus, the facilitator’s role is one of minimalistic, observing, responding, encouraging, and documenting the learning process carefully and meticulously. Children take ownership of the club and the process so that whatever they are willing to do with the device is potentially therapeutic. Feedback is given when asked so that they won't be exceedingly frustrated. The following is by no means a specific guidance, but some thoughts and ideas on what might actually happen in the group.

Overview
* Small group project - 3 groups of 4 students
* Work one week with each group
* Start with kids
* Ask them what scenes/themes they want on their TV show e.g., “Bichauan one year later"
* Interview: their friends, teachers, parents, relatives/community elders
* Make their own statement (interview each other).
* If a parent is interested they will be invited to make their own short film or still photos
* Plan a community event showing an edited film
* DVD burning for family keepsake

Process, process, process
* Begin/end each day with review session. Give them technical feedback - use better lighting; adjust distance; speak louder
* Have kids give feedback to each videographer – help them give positive and constructive feedback to each other. Encourage them to keep a journal
* Keep a journal - eyes as a clinician - focusing on resilience and optimism

Group activities that might help the kids warm up quickly
* Name game – basic camera skills, e.g., turn on/off, shutter start/stop. self introduction, gentle handling of device
* Disappearing game - desensitize to the camera, use tripod to steady device.
* Storyboard/planning
* Community mapping
* Familiar themes: 3 wishes; my favorite pastime; my best friend etc.

Key to successful video interviewing - respect your interviewee
* Plan and structure your time – e.g., write down themes & questions
* Be humble and patient - give sufficient time to respond and think through
* Maintain good eye contact
* Ask short, open-ended questions and then funnel down. larify responses if you do not understand
* Attend to nonverbal/body languages
* Focus on interviewee when they point somewhere. Shoot it afterwords
* Attend to their needs – cut short, reschedule or redo if necessary

Greetings from Mexico

2009-07-18T20:36:00.009-04:00

Today I got to spend more time reading the fantastique PV handbook, emailing the UK authors, and mobilizing whoever I can think of. Here's "our" first PV, fresh from LA, on the 1985 Mexico City Earthquake. Thank you An-!

Beichuan summer 09

2009-07-14T22:18:00.007-04:00

Hello everyone, here is the (very exciting but incomplete) list of items I'm getting for Beichuan. I didn't get to do much of preparation last year so I thought this year I'll do better. But surprisingly, after a whole weekend of sitting on the net like a spider, the categories came out just about the same. Any suggestions/objections? Any saving tips? Please email asap.

1. Books from amazon.cn

图说天下:全球最美的100个地方 ￥ 11.00 元 数量:1
艾玛画画(精装) ￥ 21.30 元 数量:1

中国儿童配乐故事优秀作品精萃(10CD+4VCD)(2-8岁) ￥ 97.90 元 数量:1

猜猜我有多爱你 ￥ 16.10 元 数量:1

与布里兹一起画卡通1(附光盘) ￥ 17.40 元 数量:1

青蛙小弟睡午觉 ￥ 19.90 元 数量:1

蚂蚁和西瓜(精装) ￥ 18.10 元 数量:1

彩虹色的花(精) ￥ 19.70 元 数量:1

首先有一个苹果(精装) ￥ 18.10 元 数量:1

幸福的大桌子(精装) ￥ 18.40 元 数量:1

永远永远爱你(精装) ￥ 19.70 元 数量:1

你真好(精装) ￥ 19.70 元 数量:1

天哪！数学原来可以这样学 ￥ 15.40 元 数量:1

世界上最软最软的物理书 ￥ 18.10 元 数量:1

小朋友最爱问的经典科学谜题 ￥ 11.60 元 数量:1

7号梦工厂 ￥ 19.60 元 数量:1

双城记(附光盘) ￥ 8.20 元 数量:1

大卫·考波菲尔(上下附光盘)/世界文学文库 ￥ 15.70 元 数量:1

白鲸(超值珍藏版)(套装上下册)(内赠DVD盘) ￥ 9.30 元 数量:1

好兵帅克(超值珍藏版)(套装上下册)(内赠DVD盘) ￥ 8.90 元 数量:1

圣经的故事(中英双语版) ￥ 29.10 元 数量:1

会飞的教室(拼音美绘本)/世界儿童文学经典成长文库 ￥ 12.50 元 数量:1

法布尔昆虫记(1) ￥ 17.70 元 数量:1

昆虫记 ￥ 19.20 元 数量:1

鲁滨孙漂流记(拼音美绘本) ￥ 12.40 元 数量:1

汤姆·索亚历险记(拼音美绘本) ￥ 12.40 元 数量:1

DV摄像与影片制作100%(附光盘2007新版)/电脑宝贝PC Baby ￥ 10.00 元 数量:1

儿童摄影手册 ￥ 15.70 元 数量:1

中英法60周年彩色纪念版:小王子 ￥ 9.60 元 数量:1

3000词读遍天下书床头灯英语学习读本Ⅲ：圣经故事（MP3光盘） ￥ 8.00 元 数量:1

圣经新约的故事:路加福音羊皮书 ￥ 14.40 元 数量:1

圣经的故事(附光盘) ￥ 8.00 元 数量:1

圣经新约名篇精选(英汉对照) ￥ 13.90 元 数量:1

圣经故事(插图本)(精装) ￥ 15.50 元 数量:1

圣经故事:旧约篇(名画全彩版) ￥ 29.10 元 数量:1

圣经故事:新约篇(名画全彩版) ￥ 25.80 元 数量:1

圣经故事(英汉对照) ￥ 12.50 元 数量:1

儿童灾难逃生指南/早起鸟冠军宝宝安全自救金牌读物 ￥ 10.00 元 数量:1

爷爷一定有办法 ￥ 22.90 元 数量:1

你很特别:高个子卡勒 ￥ 4.20 元 数量:1

放牛班的春天(1DVD 简装版) ￥ 6.00 元 数量:1

轻松英语名作欣赏:秘密花园(附盘) ￥ 11.90 元 数量:1

波丽安娜 ￥ 19.40 元 数量:1

读名著送电影:小公主(赠光盘) ￥ 5.90 元 数量:1

有人爱我(简) ￥ 8.70 元 数量:1

小熊所罗门和他的朋友们(套装共5册) ￥ 44.90 元 数量:1

爱是什么样子 ￥ 9.30 元 数量:1

绘本中的生命花园(附光盘 ) ￥ 18.70 元 数量:1

神奇树屋24:绝命大地震(汉英双语) ￥ 11.00 元 数量:1

我的第一本科学漫画书-地震求生记 ￥ 19.70 元 数量:1

鼹鼠博士的地震探险 ￥ 10.10 元 数量:1

巧克力熊遇到地震了 ￥ 4.40 元 数量:1

地震来了怎么办 ￥ 4.10 元 数量:1

安全自救大迷宫大搜索:地震自救系列(镇定卷) ￥ 7.30 元 数量:1

地震来了 ￥ 14.40 元 数量:1

地球科学:火山与地震 ￥ 4.80 元 数量:1

地震后儿童和青少年团体心理游戏培训手册(附盘) ￥ 30.50 元 数量:1

漫画版青少年地震应急手册 ￥ 10.00 元 数量:1

全民防灾应急手册(附盘) ￥ 21.70 元 数量:1

安全自救:地震自救系列沉着卷 ￥ 7.30 元 数量:1

四川省交通图:5.12汶川大地震重建版 ￥ 5.00 元 数量:1

总计： ￥976.20元

2. dangdang.com

		庆子绘本（全4册——蒲公英系列绘本——入选美...			￥30.30 (63折)
		阿罗系列(全7册)			￥41.60 (66折)
		德国当代儿童文学经典作品集（全两辑）（当当网...			￥39.00 (59折)
		文学大师经典绘本（全四册）			￥30.00 (50折)
		我的第一本雅诺什（全九册）绘本博物馆大师经...			￥31.30 (59折)
		爱的小哲学（为孩子也为自己珍藏的人生读本当...			￥36.60 (59折)
		绘本花园：月光男孩（平）			￥9.50 (95折)
		最美的科普（6册/套）（四季时钟）（耕林文化精...			￥58.50 (59折)
		神奇的蝌蚪系列（全６册，美国图画书大师史蒂文...			￥48.40 (63折)
		爸爸、妈妈、我系列绘本(全3册)			￥34.30 (59折)
		男孩、狗和青蛙——无字书系列(全6册)			￥24.80 (59折)
		大拇指无字书(全8册)			￥49.40 (63折)

3. Children's participatory video (PV) project - children making DVs by themselves and for themselves, a community trauma approach originally inspired by Children's participation: from tokenism to citizenship focusing on democratic socialization of children.

4. Misc toys/games - tumbling towers, puzzles, sports - based on last year tent school response - $150?

腹藏锦绣冉云飞

2008-12-13T14:38:00.010-05:00

四川文人冉云飞自称土匪，此君读书飞快，作文甚勤，而藏书也是极多，据说其每周将于固定时间前往成都书市冷摊淘书，至今藏书数量也已三万有余，有朋友参观其书房后作文“想起他的大书房，夜不能寐”。冉云飞读书即有心得，每一月末他会将此月的读书写作进行整理回顾，一一道来，逐个点评；更令人称道的是他会每半个月将自己的所读好书推荐出来，分别称之为 “妙书”“好书”和“痛书”三类。问起2006年买书读书经历，冉云飞说，我直接给你个书单吧，还有我推荐的理由。

一、《寂静的春天》（蕾切尔·卡逊）：20世纪最伟大的环保著作，她让我们知道，我们正在制造令人惶恐的灾难。

二、《学会生存》（埃德加·富尔主编），是联合教科文组织对20世纪教育的指南性文本，应该成为中国老师必读之物。

三、《论美国的民主》（托克维尔），法国盛产积极自由人士，如卢梭，所以有法国大革命的断头台。很少产像托克维尔、贡斯当这种对自由有如此深湛理解的人，此书至今仍是美国中学和大学的必读书。

四、《世界文明史》（威尔·杜兰），它让我们知晓世界如此绚烂多彩，就更加珍惜自己的文明，也更加尊重其他的文明，参差多态乃人类幸福之源，信然。

五、《博尔赫斯短篇小说集》：20世纪少数几位改变了传统小说写作手法的伟大作家，拓展了小说的疆域。

六、《杜依诺哀歌》（里尔克），读这样的诗章，再经受多么大的挫折和磨难，你都会觉得：人类啊，我是多么幸福！

七、《庄子》，作为中国传统文化的平台，尽管它有令人难堪的值得批判之处，但我仍要说，它是我们整个中国文化中的异数。

八、《国富论》（亚当·斯密）：一只无边无际无形的市场之手，一个管得很少又管得很好的有限政府，见证了亚当·斯密之后所有人类奇迹和繁荣景象。

幸好冉云飞不是坏人

匪话连篇

绵阳闹市跳楼殒命援助工作更为艰巨（轉載）

2008-12-11T21:20:00.003-05:00

12月10日接近17时，一男子在绵阳市中心医院门诊大楼4楼飞身而下，当场气绝……

据目击者、北川中学一教师描述，该男子大约三四十岁。

据一知情人透露，该男子试图跳楼时，绵阳市中心医院迅速报警。警察立即赶来，看见该男子站在窗台欲跳。警察一边安抚他情绪，一边迅速在底下铺设棕垫等待气垫床的到来。消防带着气垫床很快赶到，但该男子未等铺设好即纵身跳下……

现场一些市民猜测：门诊大楼4楼没有门诊，只有化验室和其它非医疗科室。他是否在化验室拿到自己身患绝症报告？要不是该男子和院方产生什么严重医患纠纷，才导致他情绪失控？

据悉，该男子当日下午在妻子陪同下进入绵阳市中心医院门诊大楼。事发后，他妻子很快被警察带走。

采访绵阳中心医院相关医生，一句话：找院宣传科。院宣传科也是一句话，找市委宣传部。市委宣传部更简捷：找警方。当地警方理由很充分：在侦案件，不便透露……

抗震救灾期间，这个医院是绵阳极重灾区的主力救治医院。

这个医院地处绵阳闹市。门诊大楼前有一个花园。花园周围许多做生意的人当时目睹惨案。

也有民间猜测其跳楼原因，是不满当地政府最近出台的一项针对地震伤员政策。这个政策大概内容是：12月底前，在全市各家医院进行康复治疗的伤员，都必须出院回到原地进行康复疗养。

还有一种说法是，该男子是绵阳九院的……

又有网友提供：通过询问得知，该男子系海天公司职工，姓名赵学亮，40岁左右。经医院微机查询，该男子于今日下午3点37分挂了内科普诊号（未就诊），4点10分挂了神经内科专科号，该男子诉失眠、心慌，医生给其开具心电图、心理测试检查，但未去做检查。

这是四川灾区最近两个多月来，继北川县政府官员董玉飞自缢身亡、都江堰受灾伤员罗桂琼跳楼自杀、北川擂鼓镇村民杨俊杀妻后自戕、绵阳市政府官员何宗华跳楼自杀、北川邓家海光村村民朱华会上吊自杀后发生的第六起自杀事件....

补充：这是灾区第七例自杀事件。还有一例是：11月11日，安县花荄镇雍峙村陈开华（男，51岁）在父亲坟前上吊自杀（见《绵阳晚报》11月24日）

北川孩子近況

2008-12-07T20:49:00.001-05:00

剛剛和寇弟兄通話﹐知道一些北川孩子們的近況:
陳躍現在已經輟學了﹐在北川賣光盤﹔
余和徐功課都需要惡補﹔
幾個初中女生功課還好﹐培雪情緒也漸漸好轉﹐但還是需要跟進。長虹現在已有北師大的輔導老師。

下面是幾個具體事項要跟大家商量待禱。
1. 任家坪小學將在一月初至二月二八號放假﹐長虹的孩子也是大致這段時間放假。他們希望有補習班(類似冬令營﹐帳篷學校)﹐有老師可以帶他們作一些心理安撫和輔導的工作。
2. 現在北川主要是寇弟兄和鄹姊妹並山東的六個弟兄姊妹。鄹姊妹春節後將回江西去。而安縣茶坪﹐高川一帶有多處剛剛通路﹐急需弟兄姊妹能夠長期委身侍奉。

四川大地震鄧小軍

2008-11-28T13:56:00.001-05:00

痛史戊子年，五月十二日。蜀中忽地動，雷鳴晝似漆。

地作左右搖，地作上下跌。地作駭浪奔，地作沉舟沒。

青山何崔巍，摧崩陵已失。青山何聯綿，馳突並為一。

大道如筆直，頃刻似蛇屈。長橋如彩虹，片段已碎折。

地震西南作，煙塵東北出。汶川映秀起，陝南甘南迄。

灌至北青川，浩劫禍最烈。州縣七百里，傾城傾家室。

高樓為廢墟，廢墟流鮮血。哭聲滿人寰，刹那成永訣。

有兒廢墟下，劃木留絕筆：“爹娘願走好，兒今不得別。”

有母廢墟下，四肢撐如鐵，下護我嬰兒，夢容猶甜蜜。

遺言存手機：“寶貝如能活，記住我愛你”，聞者皆嗚咽。

青川三歲兒，母前哭母歿。小手躬自揖，驚慟悲恍惚。

知是呼“媽媽”，兒語口形切。見此肺肝糜，豈止心痛徹。

祖先拜揖禮，此土久亡佚。惟肖其踐形，兒也得其實。

詩經賢女子，德與聖人契。凡民有喪時，匍匐救之疾。

什邡袁老師，行在古先轍。搖樓番番出，啼兒雙雙挈。

奮身往死地，樓搖忽顛躓。年華有盡時，流芳無終畢。

廢墟七百里，庠序最慘絕。小手伸向天，伸出瓦礫缺。

樑斷鋼筋無，樓坍豆腐屑。哀哉教學樓，化作活埋窟。

官舍多無恙，校舍少遺孑。惟有劉氏校，屹立獨無匹。

玻牆為明鑑，師生完毫髮。問君“何能爾？”“工料不減壹”。

爺娘挖廢墟，十指見白骨。廢墟百尺下，呼救聲漸歇。

救兵源源來，捐款似飛雪。黃金七二時，分秒必爭奪。

舉國奮援手，稍乏利器掘。國際救援隊，重關終度越。

哀哉天府國，處處屍林列。悲夫千萬民，至竟幾生滅？

召公言為川，利在宣與決。李冰低作堰，大江何可截？

聞道岷江上，水壩如重闕。水壩百丈高，下壓斷層裂。

孟子言斧斤，入山以時節。生態若斷滅，生理焉得說？

聞道岷江水，卌載漂木溢。原始森林盡，林盡蜀山兀。

龍門七百里，斷層人共悉。地震將何時，知者應戰慄。

聞道龍門山，開鑿復窽穴。穴山山骨斷，鑿路山腳刖。

瘡痍滿龍門，危似虎鬚捋。聞道闢謠言，乃在初九日。

蟾蜍大遷移，乃在初十日。聞道豆渣樓，不許訴法律。

可憐鹿悲麑，腸斷如寸割。何以言民貴，天爵尊日月。

一民命關天，不以天下忽。青山猶哭聲，碧水亦如噎。

齊州禍未休，羿彀誰能脫。憂端如滄溟，溟深波浪闊。

Source: http://www.bullog.cn/blogs/ranyunfei/archives/190656.aspx

Season of PTSD

2008-11-20T18:11:00.007-05:00

Call me naive, or inexperienced, but since I returned I've been getting depressing news from Beichuan -starting October government officials began to kill themselves one after another... two days ago a villager killed his wife and then killed himself, leaving two young kids orphaned. Global recession has nothing to do with quake zone...

博客独家披露：绵阳一官员闹市跳楼自杀身亡(图)
北川农办主任震后5个月自杀身亡(图)
北川男子杀妻后自杀父亲称其震后产生心理障碍
绵阳官员称市政府办人事处长自杀与工作无关

北川棉被援助计划順利完成

2008-11-17T23:01:00.015-05:00

我的好友曉静经过一个多月的努力籌備，为安县向阳村（现已划归北川）山上5个组159户灾民提供了棉被、弹花被、米等过冬物资。他們去到的山村﹐是和西山坡一樣，也是政府顧及不到的十分偏遠﹐分散的地方。曉靜說，此次計劃如此順利，是她原先沒有料想到的。她願意去一個比向阳村更加沒有人去到的村子發送物資。
愿上帝纪念她和北川棉被计划所有朋友們的爱心！

天寒地凍，災區的嚴冬，需要我們一起度過。

第二筆兒童基金

2008-11-16T22:38:00.006-05:00

We just learned that our second installment has been sent to Beichuan. Now the volunteers can stay for another two months. They just got more than 15 brothers and sisters from Liaocheng, Shandong Province, to join them, and keep them warm!

第一筆兒童基金

2008-10-31T18:07:00.003-04:00

喜乐安康曉靜來郵，第一筆“兒童基金”救災款已順利發出，她自己估计“下下周周末”去北川发放棉被！

懷念北川

2008-10-29T18:45:00.016-04:00

范弟兄他們總算不必撤營﹐我松了一口氣。今天下班後﹐在家裡重新整理“懷念北川” 音樂專輯。說是專輯﹐其實是在西山坡教過﹐聽過﹐或放過的歌﹐包括三部份﹕民歌﹐如 “咂酒歌”﹐是孩子們原來就會的﹔詩歌﹐如“我有平安如江河”﹐“大山可以挪開”﹔還有流行歌曲﹐如女子十二乐坊的“茉莉花”﹐“蝸牛與黃鸝鳥”﹐“隱形的翅膀”等﹐當然少不了校歌 - 李叔同的“送別”。多虧蔣輝和她的女兒欣雨﹐孩子們的選擇豐富了很多。中文，英文，羌語，韓語，甚至還有一個西班牙語的，就是 Ninos de la paz （Children for a Peaceful World）唱的 Dios es Amor。就差沒來得及給徐浩找個法語的。唱歌是孩子們都愛的﹐更何況是羌寨的孩子。尤其是那一首“我有平安如江河” ﹐不但所有孩子耳熟能詳﹐也是唯一一首中英文對照的。

再次聽到這首“以馬內利"﹐突然就心痛起來 -

以馬內利　以馬內利
祂名稱為　以馬內利
神同在　彰顯榮光
祂名稱為　以馬內利

歌詞簡單﹐鋼琴的伴奏也沒有什麼複雜﹐更不知道是那裡的孩子唱的﹐但是就是百聽不厭。這首歌﹐因為過於“直露”﹐當時沒敢放膽教孩子們唱﹐只是自己空閑的時候聽一聽而已。就像今天﹐一直聽到淚流滿面。

紐約已經很冷了﹐一副快要下雪的樣子。北川的孩子們﹐別來無恙否?

NLCAC Beichuan Children's Fund

2008-10-27T01:00:00.007-04:00

蒙主恩典並弟兄姊妹慈愛﹐我於今夏赴四川災區參與賑災。其間以北川為主﹐與來自山東﹐吉林﹐新疆﹐北京﹐新加破﹐成都等處的弟兄姊妹配搭﹐尤其在西山坡一帶﹐當地村民雖處身篷帳廢墟死蔭之地﹐從未接觸福音﹐但因主憐憫﹐多人決志歸主。每週兩次聚會﹐有一二十人參加﹐風雨無阻。西山坡帳篷學校五十多名兒童﹐有二十多名信主。八月卅一日，与營地四位同工商議﹐意願設立西山坡儿童基金﹐長期委身北川﹐為主所用。此後兩天多人簽名﹐願意將個人資料信息等﹐奉獻北川重建事工 (見附件)。大人兒童﹐無不歡欣鼓舞。

特此提議設立"西山坡兒童基金"﹐作為本教會海外宣教一專項事工。該基金意欲聯合紐約和中國國內教會﹐機構﹐個人﹐以西山坡兒童並家庭為重點扶助對象﹐籌集資金﹐定期提供生活學業等長期資助, 支持當地福音事工及災後重建。教會收到款項後﹐及時寄送免稅收據﹐以資鼓勵。該基金以教會為根基﹐以聖經為依據﹐致力于以最直接的方式﹐服待北川窮困及弱勢社區群體，見證主的慈愛﹐憐憫和公義。

為什麼選擇北川?

和汶川﹐青川一樣﹐北川歷史上未有過教會。當地村民從未接觸福音。
北川自古是少數民族聚居地﹐是中國唯一的羌族自治縣(北川全名"北川羌族自治縣")。
北川是巴蜀文明、華夏文明的起源地之一﹐亦是大禹故里。羌族是中國最古老的民族之一。
北川此次地震災情異常慘烈﹐救援重建工作繁重複雜。境內山地占幅員面積的98.8%，僅東南一隅屬丘陵，縣城兩次被泥石流掩埋﹐死亡人數估計達三萬以上。

目前緊急需要﹕

1. 羊文化團隊三位弟兄姊妹生活費和事工費均已告罄﹐團隊即將解散。范、寇弟兄原居北京﹐新疆﹐地震後千里入川﹐駐安縣、北川村落﹐不顧艱險﹐堅守營地﹐深得當地村民信任。現單因生計費用問題﹐大批過冬救災物資無法發送﹐被迫考慮撤退。而現在天氣寒冷﹐正是村民心力枯竭絕望﹐急需探訪關懷抚慰時。現確知費用方面寇、鄒兩人一月需2-3千（包括手机、食宿等），事工費用2-3千（主要是路費、運輸費等費用）﹐合計一月五千元左右﹐折合美金約700元。

2. 十四歲孤女培雪﹐在帳篷學校信主未久﹐現在長虹培訓中心就讀﹐母親鄧家英九月廿四日被主接去。目前培雪急需專人喪親心理輔導﹐並日後生活學業需要。

3. 八隊一歲小童楊九林﹐體弱多病﹐原診斷為先天性齶裂並嚴重營養不良﹐現經綿陽醫院查明唇齶裂是由于大腦組織腦垂体病變造成，將來更可能造成侏儒症等症狀，唇齶裂只是症狀之一，需到成都進一步檢查和治療，費用(有待跟進確實) 據悉非常昂貴﹐九林一家一時難以擔負。

4. 七十高齡澤貴老人八月間被房屋附近磚頭滾落砸傷﹐以致左腿骨折﹐肩胛骨折﹐在安縣人民醫院診斷﹐醫院索要手術費八千人民幣﹐現尚無著落。

北川棉被援助计划

2008-10-26T00:40:00.000-04:00

My old pal Qian Jing, in Chongqing, supports Beichuan by making a 北川棉被援助计划. She is planning to carry it out by the end of November!

杨九林腭裂診斷進展

2008-10-21T21:47:00.003-04:00

剛剛得到孫甜傳來的消息，說医院取了杨九林的血样，到成都检验去了，但是可能没有什么办法可以治疗。九林的唇腭裂是由于大脑组织脑垂体病变造成的，可能造成侏儒症等症状，唇腭裂只是症状之一，需要进行进一步检查和治疗，费用可能很高。现在虽然结果没有出来，但是很有可能是先天性的。他这个病现在最重要的是缺乏生长激素，是否缺乏甲状腺素还要等结果出来才知道能否接受替代治疗是治疗的关键。如果不能，以后就会发展成侏儒症。求主憐憫醫治！

九林小朋友近況

2008-10-14T22:26:00.003-04:00

剛和綿陽醫院孫姊妹(八月八月來北川路上決志) 通話﹐任家坪八隊楊九林 (久林) 小朋友先天性顎裂﹐在綿陽通過批准, 即可免費手術。九林娃的情況﹐帳篷學校的孩子都記得的。九林的父親楊多成﹐母親黃彥芬﹐姐姐張敏 (北一中﹐剛考上廣西大學)﹐均尚未信主。可惜他家電話我都沒能打通﹐所以正麻煩范弟兄帶信去任家坪﹐讓他父母帶他過來綿陽手術。

九林小朋友的一歲生日是本月廿九日﹐請大家同來紀念。求主保守他一生平安健康。也求主保守各位心思意念﹐同來侍奉北川。

From Beichuan tent school

主賜給我的所有恩典

2008-10-11T13:09:00.001-04:00

耶稣你的爱拴住了我
灵里喜乐高声来歌唱
这希望的土地
是主所喜悦的
我要把爱奉献给你

耶稣你的灵搁在我身
灵里喜乐高声赞美主
这神圣的土地
是主所眷顾的
我要全心来敬拜你

主赐给我的所有恩典
我浑身是口说不尽
我全心跟随你
赐我乐意的灵
把这生命奉献给你

北川首例官员自杀

2008-10-07T23:59:00.001-04:00

北川首例官员自杀网友呼吁关注心灵

謝恩

2008-10-07T21:22:00.000-04:00

求主親自紀念弟兄們的辛勞，徐鑫和陈鸣镝弟兄从四川回到北京了... 徐弟兄說, 这两天北川又在下雨,请恒切为那片土地,为那里的孩子,为那里的灵魂祷告...

雲上太陽 The sun above the clouds

2008-10-03T23:49:00.009-04:00

無論是住在美麗的高山
或是躺臥在陰暗的幽谷
當你抬起頭
你將會發現
主已為你我而預備

雲上太陽它總不改變
雖然小雨灑在臉上
雲上太陽它總不改變
它不改變

這是我到災區後學的第一首歌﹐在北川很流行﹐孩子們都愛唱的。北川都是山﹐山上雲霧繚繞﹐令人懷想。

但我再也聽不到這幾個孩子的歌聲了!!! 八歲的王康萍﹐七歲的楊海燕, 五歲的楊青壽和更小的康玉妹﹐甚至青壽的媽媽張建翠﹐王培雪的媽媽鄧家英﹐都成了永遠的記憶。

就算我能把在北川所有一切的照片翻出來﹐擺在我面前﹐又能怎麼樣呢? 我能窮盡天上地下﹐把他們找出來麼?

Whether you live in the beautiful mountain
or in the dark valley
when you look up in the sky
you'll see
that the Lord has prepared for you and me

The faithful sun above the clouds has never changed
Even when rain drops touches my face
The sun above the clouds has never changed
It has never changed

守望北川

2008-09-30T03:49:00.008-04:00

帳篷學校的老師徐和陳已從北京趕去北川看孩子們, 準備把孩子們帶出來過節。現在北川急需由人探訪、關心、安慰、幫助，當地志願者人手有限﹐求主憐憫。也特別求神撫慰培雪的心, 求神醫治她心靈的傷痛。

無題

2008-09-27T22:09:00.002-04:00

奈何我在北川發生的一切里找不著一絲安慰。信主和不信主的孩子一樣以最殘忍的方式死去。而我們過去所作的不過是見證他們生命的最後一段時光。今天在箱子的一角找到楊海燕送給我的鉛筆劃。正是她喜愛的主題﹐一個戴王冠的小女孩兒﹐站在一座房子﹐一棵樹旁﹐還簽了名。我相信所有的孩子在主眼裡都是公主一般的寶貴﹐但是海燕知道麼? 相信麼? 其他的孩子知道麼 ...

Beichuan's ongoing crisis

2008-09-26T06:35:00.014-04:00

綿陽範弟兄美東時間廿六日凌晨 2:24電郵﹕" 我今天去了安昌，没有去北川，高弟兄他们从北川出来，我们见了面。任家坪九队现在挖出24具尸体，擂鼓附近有近千人失踪。"

北川人勇敢迎战雷霆大雨世界经理人
北川暴雨造成大量灾害发生14人失踪[组图] 新华网
暴雨导致北川死亡失踪人数升至四十四人中国新闻网
北川暴雨造成大量灾害发生14人失踪(组图]中华网
Heavy Rains Are Deadly in Southwest China

Four tent school kids killed

2008-09-25T23:06:00.011-04:00

Five days after I left China, I learned that 20 villagers in Beichuan were killed in a massive mudslide, including four of our tent school kids and some parents, Wang Kangping and her sister, Yang Haiyan, and Yang Qingshou. Qingshou's mother also died. Wang Peixun, a junior high school student currently studying in Mianyang, is orphaned due to sudden death of her mother. Please remember these names in your prayers.

北京徐弟兄廿五日電郵, 廿二日開始北川連降暴雨，山体滑坡﹐泥石流滾落。任家坪村九隊村民二十人遇難。西山坡帳篷學校的孩子有四名遇難﹐小班學生楊海燕，王康萍和妹妹，楊青壽和媽媽張建翠﹐都慘遭不幸。現在長虹培訓中心念初中的王培雪在五一二地震中失喪了爸爸、大伯、哥哥，現在媽媽鄧家英亦不幸遇難。

17 killed in Beichuan landslide yesterday

2008-09-24T06:14:00.004-04:00

The village I stayed in Beichuan, Renjiaping, had another major landslide caused by nonstop rain. 17 died, including the women and children above, whom I got along very well. All volunteers left overnight. Investigation is still underway.

昨晚北川大雨，任家坪发生山体滑坡，九队初步估计有17人遇难，包括两名刚信主的肢体，具体户数还需要核实.

Sichuan earthquake 101

2008-09-23T07:56:00.001-04:00

(Courtesy of Ms. Zhang Meng)

http://hepanxiaoyu.bokee.com/viewdiary.185767677.html

八千里路雲和月﹕ 北川之戀

2008-09-20T01:52:00.022-04:00

想唱一首歌﹐叫做北川之戀。北川是每個中國人心中永遠的痛﹐是我此次中國災區侍奉最長久居留之地。北川的山水﹐令我魂牽夢繞﹐因我先在擂鼓﹐後居曲山﹐從北川中學﹐任家坪村﹐到北川縣城﹐唐家山堰塞湖﹐我腳下的每一步都令我足音震撼﹐身心激蕩。北川的人﹐無論老幼﹐因著地震之故﹐成為我骨中之骨﹐肉中之肉﹐成為我患難與共的父老鄉親﹐骨肉至親。離開北川不到一個星期﹐我已言必稱北川﹐不僅是汶川青川情狀不及北川慘烈﹐不僅是北川山村迂迴秀麗﹐無可匹敵。倘我有一絲心力﹐我甘為北川赴湯蹈火。倘我有一滴眼淚﹐我願為北川流。五一二之前從未聽聞的一個名字﹐從未到過的一個地方﹐成為我生命里永遠的故鄉﹐夢鄉﹐如同迦南地﹐耶路撒冷﹐是我靈魂安居之所。

初聞北川﹐是在紐約城﹐帝國之都﹐半個地球之外﹐海天之間。繁華盛開的下午﹐開車在回家的路上﹐打開無線電﹐突然傳來異常熟悉的川西北口音﹐夾雜英文翻譯﹐描繪地震瞬間的情景。頓時﹐一股恐怖之氣從腳下襲來﹐直貫天頂﹐一時頭暈眼花。被迫停車到路旁加油站﹐熄了火﹐如嬰兒般放聲大哭。

回想初訪北川城﹐是八月中羌人百日大祭"燒白旗"期間。清晨八點半﹐和幾個帳篷學校的孩子步行下山﹐去"看縣城"。一路上處處是猙獰的巨石﹐從附近的山上滾將下來﹐停在路邊。八月間暴雨余震塌方不斷﹐二炮在附近的擂鼓鎮開路﹐炮轟聲隱約可聞。我不停地招呼孩子們不得停留﹐自己則快步疾行。三月前天塌地陷腥風血雨地獄般的情形﹐已清理乾淨﹐蕩然無存。但是城已荒﹐地已黃﹐醫院學校建築車輛不再。縣禮堂﹐十字口﹐菜市場﹐茅壩中學﹐曲山小學﹐孩子們不停地向我描述縣城驚心動魄的歷史。而改道後的湔江水還是繞城無聲無息的流著﹐繞過水淹後的北川大酒店﹐又繞過龍尾隧道。

我所住的西山坡﹐是一個極具代表性﹐象征性的名字。西山坡因座落在任家坪村面東的山上而得名。雖說是隸屬曲山鎮﹐任家坪村﹐西山坡卻自成一體﹐有自己獨立的地理認同。西山坡七﹐八﹐九三隊的村民﹐管下山叫"走任家坪"﹐管去縣城叫"上街"。西山坡俯瞰山腳下廢墟中孤寂的北川中學﹐距北川縣城僅一箭之遙。我每次去中學大門口買菜﹐都必須面對那片埋著三百個孩子亡魂的廢墟。儘管如此﹐西山坡得到的關注﹐少得可憐。好幾次校園里發放礦泉水﹐蠟燭﹐藥品﹐山上如同與世隔絕一般﹐一無所知。直到我九月一號和溫總理一樣要去綿陽長虹培訓中心探訪初中孩子的時候﹐政府三個月每天十塊大洋的生活補助﹐只發完第一個月。兩百戶村民﹐都沒有板房﹐要住在陰暗的救災帳篷里﹐整理廢墟﹐自力更生。我孤陋寡聞﹐ 所見無多﹐但象西山坡這樣極重災區又得不到照料的﹐恐怕不止一個。政府的力量也好﹐民間的力量也好﹐都似被這不大不小的山坡阻攔住了。

西山坡的兒童﹐是我見過的最美最有靈性的一群﹐善良像鴿子, 靈巧像蛇。帳篷學校五十個孩子﹐從三歲到十五歲不等﹐因土地金貴﹐帳篷有限﹐只能分小班﹐大班。小班一二十個孩子﹐共用一頂白頂綠圍小帳篷。大班二三十個孩子﹐共用一頂紅頂藍圍大帳篷。小班的桌子是用廢墟磚塊堆積而成﹐上鋪一個折了腿的桌面。凳子要麼是殘破的塑料小桶倒放過來﹐要麼是一條長條凳﹐夠四五個小學生共用。大班用的是一人一套有抽屜的學生課桌椅﹐比較有模有樣。大小兩個帳篷教室肩並肩﹐立在陳隊長家倒塌後的房屋 "遺址"上﹐遠遠看去﹐如同兩個新鮮可愛的大蘑菇﹐在山間隱現﹐成為當地一景。惜乎紅白兩頂帳篷﹐對光線的折射情況截然不同。紅的吸熱得多﹐白的反射得多。七八月中午高溫暑熱難耐﹐我常戴一個眼罩﹐學著早期的志願者﹐將大班四五把椅子排到小班小蘑菇下小憩。常常醒來時﹐面前一個早到的兒童﹐睜著大眼不可思議地看我。蓋是覺得我一個老師﹐汗流滿面地戴著一個花紅的眼罩﹐如此滑稽可笑。

孩子們的精神是如此寶貴﹐令我嘆惋。我白天教課﹐晚上家訪。初至山上﹐我常請一個熟悉的孩子帶領﹐去探訪其他的家庭。很快我就熟門熟路﹐來去自由﹐不需人帶路。走在彎曲的山道上﹐有清脆的童聲從山間某處傳來﹐"老---師---"令我翹首駐足﹐喜出望外。直到七月底﹐西山坡都沒有通電。饒是有電的夜晚﹐山上仍是漆黑﹐只有山下中學大操場上的難民營有燈火一片。我自見過那操場後﹐曾在神面前立下誓言﹐倘若許可﹐我要在中學的廢墟旁﹐不掉一滴眼淚地為該校的孩子們放一次電影。未料十日之內﹐主便應許。電影散場後﹐孩子們歡呼雀躍打著手電唱著歌歸來。

我在教學期間﹐謹記恩師教導﹐勉力施行Roger Hart 兒童社區參與的民主原则﹐大小活動意見建議﹐均行投票表決。從校名﹐校歌﹐到三月祭景家山的出遊﹐畢業典禮的細節﹐一一聽取學生的看法。而孩子們以活潑自然的態度回應。最欣喜難忘﹐是一個小朋友的轉變。我曾在他怒火沖天時從身後將他托住達四十分鐘之久。事後﹐我多次回顧反省﹐以自己以暴易暴的行為慚愧自責。未料從那以後﹐他再無一次打架斗毆的記錄。甚至有一次全班游戏﹐他因寫下遇難哥哥的名字而遭其他幾個孩子指責。他面不改色﹐據理力爭。在我看來﹐他已學得社區參與的要領和非暴力表達的意義。而不知不覺間﹐上帝亙古不變的愛﹐也由此在他身上顯明。短短數月﹐全校五十個孩子﹐已有二十個決志信主。我的北川之戀﹐想必是從耶穌為拉撒路哭泣的時候就已開始。

九月十九日上海至紐約飛機上有感

災區工作匯總

2008-09-18T14:45:00.000-04:00

蒙主恩典並各弟兄姊妹關懷﹐我已結束兩個多月的四川地震災區的侍奉安返紐約。其間以北川為主﹐與來自山西﹐山東﹐吉林﹐新疆﹐北京﹐河南﹐安徽﹐成都等處的弟兄姊妹配搭﹐目睹主在災區各處的奇妙救恩。離開災區後一個禮拜內﹐行經重慶﹐廣州﹐上海﹐與同學親友分享主的話語﹐將在廣州的全家大小﹐交托在主的手中。謝謝海內外弟兄姊妹支持﹐代禱﹐盼望繼續為主所用﹐同心協力推進災區房屋與心靈重建的工作。以下是此次災區工作匯總﹐請過目指正。

6月26日，參与四川省衛生廳綠絲帶愛心使者災后心理培訓。

6月27日﹐參與綿陽三醫院兒童病房個案輔導。

6月28日至7月1日﹐參与擂鼓鎮希望九洲學校心理輔導，調查北川禹里救災情況。

7月5日，隨華西醫療隊探訪安縣人民醫院。

7月8日，隨華西醫療隊探訪都江堰玉堂鎮災民點。

7月9日，隨賈小明，張萌老師探訪永安，擂鼓等地心理社區志愿者。

7月12至13日，參与中澳班培訓。

7月16日，初訪什邡教師進修學校。

7月17日，初訪北川任家坪帳篷學校。

7月19日，探訪棉竹遵道鎮。

7月20日，隨角聲至江油參与輪椅捐贈儀式，至安縣參与桑棗小學，桑棗初中建校捐贈儀式。

7月22至23日，參与鄭立峰家庭系統排列工作坊。

7月24日，初訪安昌鎮金龜村，与當地政府商定設立帳篷圖書活動中心方案。

7月25日至8月20日，參與任家坪西山坡帳篷學校教導，探訪當地村民。

7月28日，聯絡小土豆電影隊在北川中學廢墟前放映當地災后第一場露天電影。

7月29日至30日，參与日本儿童環境協會行為心理療法培訓。

8月1日，參与建立安昌鎮金龜村帳篷圖書活動中心。

8月20日，帶領一北川學生來成都三醫院進行眼科治療。

8月22日至25日，參与韓中韓舞蹈治療培訓并實地探訪什邡教師。

8月26日，參与圓跡陽光心理咨詢中心討論會。

8月27日至8月31日，重訪任家坪西山坡帳篷學校，跟進小學生复課情況，与當地村民并儿童商定集體簽名設立西山坡儿童基金。

9月1日，探訪長虹培訓中心，跟進初中生复課情況；參与熊偉心理咨詢中心討論會。

9月2日，參与圓跡陽光心理咨詢中心討論會。

9月7日﹐訪問成都建中教會﹐秋雨之福教會。

9月8日至10日，探訪什邡市老人福利院，師古鎮劉漢希望小學，紅白鎮板房學校，小馬口村村民﹐五桂坪村帳篷幼兒園﹐与師生共度災后第一個教師節。

9月13日﹐與重慶一建築公司面議北川房屋重建方案。

9月17日﹐與來自佛羅裡達的建築公司初次聯絡。

9月18日﹐訪問上海聯合教會。

請特別為各地災區事工﹐西山坡兒童事工﹐北川兩百多戶村民急需的棉被籌集之事，並云南搮僳族事工代禱﹐求主親自開路。

成都有王怡

2008-09-18T07:22:00.000-04:00

王怡的麦克风

下载：《美得惊动了中央》和《与神亲嘴》

轉載: 建房的苦恼 (written by Mr. Fan)

2008-09-07T12:38:00.004-04:00

外面下着冷雨，天空阴沉沉的，胃里也是一阵阵难受。按说在这个凉爽的秋雨之日应该高兴才是，可是我高兴不起来。本来今天要去营地送物资的，同时与北川营地房东陈队长谈谈房子的事情。可是早晨起来看到外面下雨，租的敞篷小货车没法运货，再加上胃里难受，就给北川营地弟兄发信息，说今天不去了。弟兄有点不高兴，说要守信。我发短信给他解释，他才勉强同意。

这一段时间一直在为帮助灾民建房的事情忙碌。随着秋天的到来，山里已经很冷了，建房子成为灾民的头等大事。经济条件好的灾民在四处购买红砖、水泥、钢材等建材，路边到处都堆积着红砖。我看了看，质量很不好。问问灾民，价格很高。像这种质次价高的建材一旦建成房子，房子的质量肯定远远不如地震前的房子，如果再次发生地震，后果不堪设想。

前一段时间香柏机构在试建一种轻钢结构的房屋，不仅抗震、节能，而且成本低，外观美丽，如果能够推广，会给灾民带来很大实惠。于是我们就耐心等待他们把样房建出来后向灾民推广。可是他们的样房几个月都没有建出来。上个月了解到，这种房屋建造时间很长，恐怕今年是没有戏了。不要说帮灾民建房，我们自己的营地今年冬天的房子都没法解决，我们总不能在帐篷里过冬吧？

上个月月底，青岛殷弟兄联系到一家生产抗震节能房屋的公司，并且上门查看了样房，非常满意。这种房屋是用一种新型建材建造的，环保、节能、抗震，一百平米房屋只需要5万多块钱（用红砖水泥建的话需要将近8万），建造时间也大大缩短，一个多星期就可以建一栋房子（用红砖水泥需要两个月左右）。村民看了我给他们看的照片后，也很满意，很多已经准备建房的人都停了下来，一心等着我们帮他们建新房。首先我们需要先建一栋样品房，同时作为我们的营地和重建工作站。因为我们没有资金，这家公司答应免费帮我们建样房。这下我们踏实了，感谢主为我们参与重建所开的出路。可是公司老总越来越冷淡，开始时答应直接把样房材料拉过来，只要我们找到地皮就行；等我们找到地皮，他又说需要自己先来看看；等到约好他来的日子，他又借口不来了，然后就不提这个事了。本来我们是为了帮助灾民建房，同时对于他公司来说也是个难得的机遇，后来似乎是我们在求他，他拿起架子来了，没有办法，只能先放一放。

我在网上又找了一些类似公司进行联系，其中重庆亚田公司很感兴趣，第二天公司董事长和总经理就开车来到绵阳，他们带着我直接去了北川。我们准备先帮任家坪七队队长先建房，因为他给了我们很多帮助，我们的营地和帐篷学校用地就建在他家倒塌的房子的地基上，他们一家住在很差的地方。有关部门了解我们的情况时，他尽量帮我们说好话。而且他为人比较正直，有一定威望。把他的房子建好后，便于在附近村里推广这种新式房子，可以帮助更多村民尽快住上房子。

亚田公司现在正在抓紧设计，我们每天都有沟通。他们想把这个样板房建成北川重建的样板，非常重视。可是费用问题不好解决。原来我们希望他们能够免费见这个样板房，他们说好说。可是现在他们说，成本费还是要的。我都不知道怎么跟陈队长说。还有付款的方式，他们要求签了合同后就要首付，我们希望材料你拉来后首付。我们争得很热闹，陈队长有没有钱、愿不愿意出钱还难说，因为我开始说是要免费帮他建样板房的。

更重要的是现在北川、安县，甚至绵竹都有很多村民因为非常信任我们，在等我们的样板房出来，然后按照样板建他们自己的房子，如果我们的样板房不能尽快建成，我们就对不起他们，使他们不能按时住上新房，也使我们的信用大打折扣，不能为神做好的见证。

就算陈队长有钱把样板房建好，这两天我与亚田公司沟通中，发现他们的造价也不低，与我们以前向灾民介绍的不一样；这个房子品质尽管比砖瓦房高出不止一个等级，但是如果价钱下不来，灾民还会怪我们的。

当然好房子也应该好价钱，可是大家等半天发现不是我们介绍的低价，那不要骂我们吗？说不定还认为我们在中间有什么猫腻呢。

如果陈队长和部分灾民接受了新房新价，那是最好不过的。可是我们自己没有房住。起码我们应该在营地为我们自己过冬建一所房子，否则没法与灾民在一起参与房屋重建和信仰重建。建一所100平米的房子怎么也需要5万多，可是我们只有几千块钱，还要用于生活。尽管相信神会开路，但是又担心由于自己的原因使事情不顺利、使神的名受亏损，因为我们也需要为自己的行为负责，不能都推到神的身上。

外面更冷，我穿上一件秋衣，胃里难受不想吃午饭。这就是我的苦恼，大家看是我做的不对呢还是信心不够？

Beichuan tent school II

2008-09-01T12:59:00.003-04:00

Infant panda, 10 days old

2008-08-20T01:13:00.001-04:00

Day III at Leigu

2008-06-30T11:29:00.005-04:00

After midnight, it began to rain heavily. When I woke up and stuck my head out of the tent, we had been surrounded by water everywhere. I woke Bo who then woke Liu. The three of us made quite a bit of fuss moving tents, sleeping bags, suitcases and the rest of our belongings into the classroom. But the water had encroached half of the floor. We had to put several desks together and place the tents atop to stay dry.

I woke up at 6 AM and strolled out of the schoolyard sipping a box of milk for breakfast. Today was the first day Leigu Elementary school reopened after the quake. Despite the muddiest roads I have ever seen, youngsters walked swiftly with or without an adult. More identifiable than their age was a red scarf on their neck, available to those who newly registered. The school playground was scattered with various construction materials and bulldozers. The military and construction workers worked around the clock to meet the deadlines. In 10 days, 800 children who had been sent to Shandong province to attend schools there would return to Leigu.

In the afternoon, while I was cleaning the schoolyard, Tiger and his mother came to visit me, stating that she failed again to enroll Tiger in the new school. We asked her to check with the Principal. She thanked us, and left with tears in her eyes.

We visited two more families in the evening. One was Ting, whose brother, once a freshman of Beichuan High School, had died. More than 1,600 individuals died in Beichuan High School. Today, the bodies of hundreds of students are still no where to be found.

Day II at Leigu

2008-06-29T08:38:00.016-04:00

It turned out that Ms. Pan, who had been working like a dog at Leigu for nearly a month, was in danger of a severe burnout and was about to quit the job and return to Beijing, where she had been the CEO of a human resources company. Meanwhile, the teachers, who had been working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, needed a respite badly. The official reopening of Leigu Elementary school the following day, which means a transfer of about 50 students, would give them a long-anticipated opportunity to take a break (a bath, to say the least). At 1 AM, Ms. Pan got a phone call from the head of Hope China, asking her to work with "above" to collect 1,000 psychological questionnaires from the refugees. At 7 AM, the eight teachers were called to a meeting outside her tent about the terrible news. Shall they give in, or shall they go on their two-day vacation?

It only took them 10 minutes to reach a unanimous agreement that the original vacation plan stood.

The rest of the day was punctuated by various visitations from the school donors such as UNICEF. The classes were interrupted when the children lined up to receive gifts or toys. Like everywhere else, children in tent camps are doing better than adults once they have a school to go to. Adults show more signs of depression and despair. Maybe they need a school too.

In the evening, Bo and I went off to visit students whose families had been identified as "at risk." The first one was an orphan, a fourth grader; another a sixth grader, who had lost her parents during infancy, now lost her legal guardian, her grandmother. We did not find either of them. When we passed by "Muslim Street," we saw a teenage sitting in front of his tent quietly. A sole survivor of his class of 40, this 15 year old was clearly grieving. We checked on him briefly, asking about his sleep and eating pattern, making sure that he was in good health and was still taking care of himself physically. The boy smiled shyly when we left.

On the way back, a boy from our school recognized us and invited us to his tent. Tiger, an eight year old, lives with his parents and his four-year-old brother. They are one of the few families intact. Tiger's family came from Yu Li, in northwest of Beichuan. When the flood approached, Tiger and his brother were told that they were going to visit Mianyang, a big city that they had dreamed about. The boys were so excited that they walked shoeless for days, climbed the 5 quake mountains between Yu Li and Beichuan, leaving their parents behind.

The four year old proudly showed me his drawing pad. Page after page there were helicopters and parachutes, which made me feel like crying. Tiger's mother recalled that that during the pre-evacuation days, the boys had been watching the sky all day long, waiting for the helicopters. They are still obsessed with the sky, but not as "severe" any more.

Tiger's mother, who was functionally illiterate, turned out to be one of the most conscientious parents I had met in Beichuan. Soon she asked us about registering Tiger in Leigu Elementary School, stating that he was rejected because he was not "local." Bo and I thought that it was strange that the local authorities should favor the locals, because at Leigu, the majority of the displaced had not been locals. Like Tiger's family, they survived unusual hardships before they traveled long distance to Leigu. They should be favored!

In the middle of our hour-long stay, Tiger's father, who had been reading newspaper in the background, joined our discussion of Yu Li. Once 30 minutes away from Beichuan, Yu Li is now 800 kilometers, or 1.5 days away because of the blockage of quake mountains, each 2 kilometers high. As he was drawing an outline of the region, it dawned on me that they were talking about Tangjiashan, the most treacherous quake lake that had emptied more than 250,000 residents in Mianyang City upon bursting.

Now the family is homeless, except for the tent, which is hot as hell in sunny days and wet and humid when it rains. The rain season is coming soon, which means more landslides, accidents, transportation breakdowns, and perhaps more loss of lives.

I returned to the base at twilight, at which time two out-of-province volunteers visited the school, L and Z, both sweating and soaking wet. I could not believe my eyes when I heard that L had come all the way from Jiangxi province, a distance of 1,000 miles, on a bicycle. He had traveled extensively in disaster zone, first in Dujiangyan, then Ying Xiu and Wenchuan. He spent the past few days in Yu Li. Yu Li! My eyes brightened as he mentioned the name, Little Tiger's hometown!

Leigu, Beichuan

2008-06-28T11:26:00.008-04:00

We arrived in Leigu (“hitting-the-drum”), one hour, forty minutes west of Mianyang, and 500 meters south of Beichuan City. After the quake flattened Beichuan, Leigu is the closest and the biggest settlement nearby. 10,000 displaced villagers had been settled here. Beichuan is also the only China' s Qiang autonomous county. 99% of residents are of Qiang descent. To most Han Chinese like myself, Qiang existed mostly in high school textbooks, like most other ethnic minorities (except, perhaps, the Tibetan and Muslim).

We were introduced to Ms. P, an energetic, beautiful young woman from Beijing who was in charge of HC-Leigu Station, a tent school supporting approximately 100 children from K-9. HC is a NGO starting from Jiu Zhou (“China”) Stadium and sponsored by UNICEF, Department of Health and Chinese Children's fund. The Leigu tent school is conveniently located within the old Leigu Middle School, now partially collapsed and dangerously unusable. Only one teacher who was taking a nap on the ominous day of May 12 had died. I tried to climb the second floor, but I was wise enough to stop myself at the first set of staircase. On the ground floor, Albert Einstein smiled his famous smile, reminding me of my past life in New York.

Within one hour, Bo and I witnessed the first clash between government (Bechuan Department) and an NGO (HC). The head of Beichuan Department and three officials visited the school and held a meeting in one of the three classrooms. We two new arrivals were invited to attend to get to know more about the school.

Mianyang City

2008-06-27T11:03:00.007-04:00

After the training day, Bo and I decided that we got to go to the quake zone without delay. We hooked up with Ms. W who arranged for us to visit her hospital in Mianyang.

We took a 10 o'clock long distance bus (the nine o'clock tickets had been sold out faster than we expected). Along the highway were endless exhortative billboards emphasizing the strong will of people fighting the quake and rebuilding our homes. More quake-specific or make-shift tents were noted as we approached Mianyang City.

The temperature was consistently above 30°C (86°Fahrenheit). In seething weather like this, it is customary to take a "siesta" from 12 to 3 PM. Things were frustratingly slow. The rest of the afternoon I got to see two children at the inpatient child psychiatry department. One was a six-year- old first grader who has been hospitalized since May 13. His mother reported that he was excessively afraid of being in the dark and has been unable to close his eyes. We established rapport quickly via writing and drawing, then improvising various games and mini-competitions, such as breathing and relaxation, and the famous Winnicott's squiggle. During the play, the boy told me spontaneously that bricks would fall on him if he ever dared to close his eyes. Nevertheless, at the end of the session, he had filled up the room with bubbles, and was able to close his eyes for 100 counts nonstop.

My second patient was a 15-year-old girl from Jian Ge, northeast of Mianyang. It took me no time to realize that I could not understand her or her family who accompanied her (her father and her sister). In despair I terminated our meeting and returned to the treating doctor, only to know that the doctor could not understand them either.

The therapy room I used was far from being ideal. Staff and patients walked by. There was a time when two nurses were sitting simultaneously at our desk writing something. It was apparent that it is how things work there.

Training Day

2008-06-26T07:15:00.005-04:00

Much has to be debated about the day-long Post-Quake Psychological Intervention training Bo and I received at the historic Rong Cheng Hotel, organized by the State and Sichuan Department of Health. It is medically-focused, PTSD obsessed, and lacks “front-line,” first hand experiences of the actual relief work. The discussion of three individual case studies in the late afternoon was perhaps the most useful part. Still, its usefulness is limited. To make a long story short, the training is filled with old-fashioned elitisim (e.g., everyone is granted a title of“expert”of some sort), heroism, and moral judgment (e.g., is this symptom normal or abnormal?), all of which are closed related to one another and I could not tell which is which.

I felt nothing seismologically. However, at night when I watched the TV, another 205 aftershocks had been reported within the past 24 hours. My cousin said that it was no surprise to him, and he actually felt a tremor from beneath the chair while we were talking. For good or bad, I was simply too insensitized to feel.

In China again

2008-06-25T11:09:00.007-04:00

Two hours later, I was sitting with Jun, my cousin, in his apartment in Chengdu, the Chinese New Orleans. Our topics turned instantly to the earthquake. Jun showed me his emergency bag and giant water bottles he stored in the living room, the bedroom, and the foyer. He was taking a nap when the quake occurred and had hid in the bathroom for the rest of 20 seconds.

At night, I went to dinner of about 15 people that IACMSP organized. Most of the attendees are from hospitals in Chengdu and Mianyang, including one who had arranged to pick me up at the airport early on. Two hours north of Chengdu, Mianyang is one of the severely affected counties. I was particularly interested in talking to Ms. W, from Mianyang No. 3 Municipal Hospital, a major medical facility specialized in mental health in Mianyang County. We decided that Mianyang would be our next stop.

I met Bo at the dinner party, a graduate student of social work at Case. Even in my jet lagged, mind-blogged state, I saw her as a potential companion for the rest of the nine days. I just did not know how precious she turned out to be.

Yale freshman L

2008-06-25T06:35:00.002-04:00

I would like to say a few words about L, whom I had great pleasure getting to know on the plane to Shanghai. A freshman and presidential scholar at Yale, L is going on a two-week trip with about ten other scholars around the States after he pays visit to his grandparents in Hangzhou. L’s parents are both scientists at Los Alamos, New Mexico. Other than a passion for science, L plays piano and guitar and has made friends from around the world during his first year in New Haven. L cracked me up all the time. Although he is in his first year, L has already been offered a position working with 2 post docs and a well known professor on a solar cell project. More than anything else, L’s toddler-like diligence and emerging nurturing instinct moved me. I see him a perfect role model for children from the earthquake. To my happy surprise, L agreed that he would stay in touch with one of the children whom I will introduce to him soon. What a promise!

At JFK

2008-06-24T11:12:00.003-04:00

I woke up in panic realizing that I was the only passenger in the waiting area. I rushed over to the gate, MU 0588 China Eastern. It was 1:15 am Eastern Standard Time. Did I just miss my flight? No you didn’t, said the security guy, smiling. Then where is my boarding pass? The security stopped smiling, inquiring solumly instead where I last saw my boarding pass. My inability to recall my last bathroom trip made him nervous. He took my passport and checked against the passengers who had already boarded. No, no one boarded under my name.

I made a second trip to the chair I was resting and reexamined the entire area. There, between the seat and the arm, stuck my boarding pass!

How did I do that, I wondered. But it took me no time to collapse again once I settled on the plane.

China Earthquake Relief Project

2008-06-22T21:39:00.004-04:00

Dear President:

Half of Asia had felt the Magnitude-8.0 earthquake in my hometown in China, followed by 8, 900 aftershocks. Today, the aftershocks and floods are still threatening the lives of the millions of Chinese who have already been displaced.

More than 12,253 K-12 schools in Sichuan province alone have collapsed[1]. The children have suffered the most. Many have been buried under the rubble for days and suffered other near-death experiences. Despite their resiliency, which has been known since ancient times, the children cannot cope with their massive losses and destructions without support.

In the most intimate and monumental ways, the earthquake transformed my life as it has for the 1.3 billion survivors[2]. Born and raised in Sichuan with friends and family up and down the Yangtze River, I know the region inside out. My first words were Sichuanese. I have also experienced poverty, serenity and dignity that characterize the locals generations after generations.

On the day before the earthquake, I was working on my first draft of RPII. A month later, I carried all sorts of therapeutic toys, games, and materials, embarked on a 3-month trip to China. Through 1,000 emails, I had gotten to know psychologists, social workers, and students from New York, New Jersey, Taiwan, and China. I became instantly a member of International Association, New York, who had made contact with the Department of Foreign Affairs. With blessings and donations from classmates and alumni, I flew to Chengdu, 100 kilometers away from the epicenter. Apparently, there had not been any relief team from overseas to allow to enter the quake zone.

[1] Department of Education, Sichuan Province, http://big5.china.com.cn/news/zhuanti/wxdz/2008-05/29/content_15536377.htm
[2] In “1.3 Billion Survivors, ”a widely circulated article on the earthquake, Wang, a writer and a native of Chengdu, lamented the massive destruction of ancient cultures caused by the earthquake, including the birthplaces of Dayu, a mythological hero who tamed the Deluge, and Qin Shi Huang, the first Chinese emperor.